


One Year

by queenbree17



Series: Life's a Zoo [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, M/M, sad end, they are in high school, this is a flash back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8612980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenbree17/pseuds/queenbree17
Summary: This is a backstory for my work Life's a Zoo. Best if read after chapter 50Kuroo has had a crush on his best friend for as long as he could remember. Towards the end of high school he finally feels like enough is enough and the two start dating





	

**Author's Note:**

> this work goes along with chapter 50 of Life's a Zoo

**THREE WEEKS BEFORE SUMMER ENDED**

Kuroo was in a foul mood. What made it worse was that he knew exactly why he was in such a foul mood, but he couldn’t really do anything about it.

This was all Kenma’s fault. Why did he have to have a crush on his best friend? Why did he have to have a crush on his best friend since forever? Why did he have to have a best friend who was so completely oblivious to his crush? He did his best to make it as blindingly obvious as possible. He did everything he could think of except actually asking Kenma out. 

Maybe he should just ask Kenma out already. Kuroo grumbled in frustration as he grabbed his shoes and pulled them on. He shoved his hands furiously in his pockets as he left for Kenma’s house. He was going to do it. He was going to ask Kenma out today.

It was three weeks until summer vacation was over and Kuroo would be damned if he went back to school without Kenma as his boyfriend. As Kuroo trekked to his best friend’s house his determined mood rapidly disintegrated. 

What if Kenma refused? He’d never seemed like he was interested in any kind of relationship. Well, there was that one time Kuroo remembered going almost ballistic when Kenma had started getting closer to this one girl in their class.

Kuroo stomped up Kenma’s front steps, now in an even worse mood than this morning. Kenma’s mom let him inside and he slouched down on the couch to wait for Kenma to finish getting ready to go to the park like they did almost every day.

The walk was a quiet affair. Kuroo made no attempt to start conversations and whenever Kenma started talking, Kuroo would only nod or grumble an incoherent answer. He felt a bit bad for his mood. Poor Kenma probably thought he was mad at him for some reason. 

Kuroo huffed, getting even more mad at himself. The park was just coming into view when Kuroo felt himself being pulled off the sidewalk and shoved up against a tree. Shocked, Kuroo found that Kenma was now glaring at him furiously.

“What the hell, Kuroo!” Kenma shouted, his voice louder than Kuroo was used to hearing. 

“Kenma . . .”

“You’ve hardly said a word to me at all and I know you’re really mad right now. What did I do?” Kenma demanded.

Kuroo couldn’t help himself. His frustration bubbled up and spilled out of him as he yelled back. “I just really like you and want to date you! Why the hell can’t you see that! I’m always talking about the two of us dating and you know I’ve never dated anyone because I’m waiting for you!”

“That’s just a stupid crush, Kuroo.” Kenma mumbled, his voice lowering making Kuroo want to shout even louder. “You’re being stupid. You don’t need to date me. Go find someone else to date.”

“Why!” Kuroo shouted. “Why can’t I date you?”

“We just won’t work out.” Kenma said, glaring at the tree behind his best friend.

Kuroo wanted to grab Kenma and shake him. Of course they would work out. The two of them have been friends since they were little. They knew just about everything there was to know about each other. There was no doubt that they would be best friends until the very end, so why couldn’t they date and make their relationship that much more meaningful and amazing?

Kuroo found himself shouting every bit of that too Kenma who just continued to glare past him. When Kenma made no response he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation and stormed off.

Now he was even madder than before.

He felt like he could scream his lungs out from all the anger. 

Why couldn’t Kenma just see?

How many times had Kuroo suggested the two of them should date? More times than he could count!

How many times had Kuroo told Kenma that he was going to be his first everything from now on? Every chance he got!

How many people did Kuroo turn down with the excuse that he could only be with Kenma? So many!

Kuroo stomped into his house, past his concerned looking father and up to his room. He flopped down on his bed and pulled his headphones on. He didn’t want to think right now. He shut his eyes and let the world slip away as music pounded in his ears.

He must have dozed off, because when Kuroo opened his eyes next the sun was already gone and the clock next to his bed ready 11:57pm. Kuroo blinked blearily and looked around for what had woken him up. His phone was dead so his music had stopped playing some time ago.

A rapid knock on the window sent Kuroo flying off his bed in shock. Kuroo landed hard on the floor with a scream. He looked at his window to find a hunched over figure lurking outside. Kuroo blinked some more, fully awake now and realized the hunched figure was Kenma.

“What are you doing?” Kuroo stage whispered as he opened the window for Kenma to climb into his room. “It’s almost midnight, what if your mom finds out that you snuck out?”

Kenma waved away Kuroo’s concerns. “She won’t care if I say I went to your house.”

“What are you doing here?” Kuroo asked, his chest feeling heavy as he remember their shouting in the park from earlier.

Kenma looked Kuroo up and down, making his best friend suddenly very conscious of his crazy bed head and rumpled clothes. “Okay, Kuroo. We can try it.”

“Try what?” Kuroo asked in confusion.

“I’ll date you.” Kenma said. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

Kuroo’s eyes grew huge as Kenma’s words sunk in. He launched himself at his best friend and hugged him tight. He was beyond happy. He hoped Kenma was happy too. They were finally going to start dating and they were going to be so happy!

Kuroo pulled Kenma to the bed and the two of them slid under the covers like they did every time they had a sleep over, except this time was different. Now they were dating. Kuroo was practically buzzing with happiness and Kenma had to repeatedly tell him to stop moving.

 

* * *

 

The last three weeks of vacation were simultaneously frustrating and amazing for Kuroo. For one thing, he was finally dating Kenma and they were so happy! On the other hand, it felt like nothing had changed at all. Kuroo and Kenma still hung out every day and they talked about all the usual stuff, but they weren’t holding hands or cuddling or kissing. Kuroo found that very frustrating. He didn’t want to rush Kenma, but if the two of them were actually dating then Kuroo wanted to show it.

It was their third day back in school and Kuroo and Kenma were making their way to the gym for volleyball practice.

“Hey, Kenma.” Kuroo said, grabbing Kenma’s arm before they entered the gym. They were already at the door and could see the others practicing inside. 

Kenma looked up at Kuroo expectantly.

“C-can I kiss you?” Kuroo asked. Kenma only stared at him and Kuroo felt the need to explain. “We’re dating now and I want to kiss you. Is that okay?”

Kenma stared for a moment longer before nodding. “Okay.”

Kuroo’s face lit up as he reached out to cup the side of Kenma’s face. He leaned down and gently pressed their lips together. It was their first kiss. It was Kuroo’s first kiss. Sparks didn’t fly, but Kuroo didn’t expect them to. That wouldn’t be Kenma at all. 

When he pulled back Kenma blinked up at him before turning and heading into the gym. Before he could get too far Kuroo laced his fingers through Kenma’s and the two walked in together. He beamed at the way the team’s attention focused on their joined hands and he kept a tight grasp on Kenma, unwilling to let him go. He never wanted to let go now that he finally had him.

**TWO MONTHS IN**

Kenma stared down at his and Kuroo’s joined hands as they walked to school like they had been doing for the past eleven years. He and Kuroo had now been dating for two months. Shouldn’t he feel different? He still thought of Kuroo as his best friend. 

When Kuroo had finally said he wanted to date Kenma and confessed his love for his best friend Kenma thought he would feel different. He had expected his heart to feel the same way as Kuroo’s. He had expected to be able to tell Kuroo the same thing back. 

After Kuroo had stormed off at the park Kenma spent the rest of the day thinking. He loved Kuroo, of course, but he didn’t think he loved Kuroo in the same way Kuroo proclaimed to love him. He wasn’t _in_ _love_ with him. Kuroo had wanted to date him, but Kenma had never even been interested in dating at all. He had gone back and forth with himself whether or not he should date Kuroo. He didn’t know what had finally made him decide he should date his best friend, but he went with it and had snuck over to Kuroo’s house. 

Now, two months since that night Kenma was starting to wonder if he had made a bad decision. When Kuroo stayed the night at Kenma’s he would entwine their fingers together and he would whisper through the dark. “Kenma, I’m so happy. I love you so much.”

“I’m happy too, Kuroo.” Kenma would say. It wasn’t a lie. Kenma was always happy when he got to be next to Kuroo. He was just always confused now too. 

His happiness felt exactly the same as always. Weren’t you supposed to feel different when you dated someone? And shouldn’t you be able to say those three words back out loud when you were dating someone?  _ I love you. _

Kenma tried his best to push those thoughts away. This couldn’t be a mistake. Kuroo wanted this so bad. Maybe it was just that Kenma was still getting used to the whole idea of being in a relationship. They were happy together.

**SEVEN MONTHS IN**

Kenma was starting to feel guilty. 

Kuroo always talked about how much he loved Kenma and about how much his heart swelled with love whenever they touched and kissed. 

Kenma felt none of it.

Kenma’s heart didn’t swell. There was not electric touches. Kenma was actually just starting to get used to Kuroo always demanding kisses from him. All the kissing was weird for him. It was fairly enjoyable, sure, but Kenma got nothing out of it except a dopey glazed look from Kuroo that he found was a great source of teasing.

Kenma was still waiting for this whole thing to feel like an actual relationship.

Seven months after they started dating found the two meandering through the local game shop as Kenma looked for any new games he could buy. He pulled a game from the shelf, turned to show Kuroo, and was met with a strange look. 

It was one that Kenma had been seeing more and more on Kuroo’s face. His lips were curled ever so slightly into a quiet smile and his eyes looked soft as he stared at Kenma. One could only call it a loving gaze.

“Kuroo?” Kenma called, causing that look to fall from his face. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Kuroo said, reaching out for Kenma’s hand.

“Does this relationship feel different than when we were just friends?” Kenma asked. He just had to know if this whole thing should feel different to him.

Kuroo smiled warmly at him. Another smile Kenma was still getting used to seeing directed right at him. “So different. It is everything I wanted and more. I’m so happy and most times I find myself not being able to express how much I love you.”

Kuroo brought Kenma’s hand up to his lips to kiss and Kenma felt his gut twist with guilt because he felt none of that.

“Kuroo,”

“Yes, Kenma?” Kuroo pressed a kiss to the inside of Kenma’s wrist.

“I want this game.” Kenma held up the game in his hand, finding the only way he knew to shift the subject. He wanted his hand back, but didn’t know how to pull it away without hurting Kuroo’s feelings.

Kuroo smiled and dropped Kenma’s hand to take the video game. “I’ll buy it for you.”

**TEN MONTHS IN**

Kenma wanted to kick himself in the ass. It had taken him ten months to figure out that he wasn’t in love with Kuroo. Had this whole relationship been a lie? How was he supposed to tell Kuroo he didn’t love him.

Kenma pulled his knees to his chest and tried to focus on his game as he waited for Kuroo in the park. He needed to break up with Kuroo, that much he knew. There was no way they could keep dating when Kenma had had no feelings for Kuroo these past ten months except the platonic feelings he had always had.

“Kenma!” Kuroo called as he slid onto the park bench next to his boyfriend. “Kenma?”

Kenma had his chin resting on his knees as he stared at his video game and he was crying. Kuroo put his arm around him. “Kenma, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Kenma leaned into Kuroo’s embrace, not sure why he was crying. He hadn’t even noticed the tears until he tried to look up at Kuroo and found him to be blurry. Why was he crying? It couldn’t be because he had decided he needed to break up with Kuroo, could it?

No, that’s not what it was. Kenma realized as Kuroo’s face became more worried by the second that when they had started dating they had left something behind to create this relationship. Kenma was crying because when they break up he might have to also say goodbye to their long time friendship. Kenma hadn’t thought about that ten months ago.

“Kenma?” Kuroo called softly.

Kenma pushed away from Kuroo and wiped his face with his jacket sleeves. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “It’s nothing.”

Maybe he could wait a bit longer before breaking up with Kuroo so that he had time to say goodbye to their friendship.

“Are you sure?” Kuroo asked, his hands hovering around Kenma in case he needed a hug.

Kenma nodded and Kuroo let it drop.

**ONE YEAR IN**

Kenma was being selfish. Two months had passed by and he still wasn’t ready to let go of Kuroo. The guy was even starting to talk about what they were going to do for their one year anniversary. 

One thought kept running through Kenma’s mind.  _ You don’t have to break up with him. _ If Kenma didn’t break up with Kuroo then he didn’t have to worry about their friendship shattering at the same time. He could stay by Kuroo’s side.

_ No. _

That was selfish. He didn’t love Kuroo like that. It wasn’t right of him to keep up this charade of a relationship just because Kenma was scared of actually losing his best friend. He had had his chance to say goodbye to that relationship. He had taken two months. Two months that would only make things worse when he actually broke up with Kuroo.

“Tsukki was talking about the new bookstore that just opened up across town.” Kuroo said excitedly as the two of the walked to meet with Tsukishima and Akaashi. “Maybe we can go there today.”

Kenma just shrugged at the suggestion, his thoughts somewhere else.

Kuroo didn’t miss a beat as he kept talking. He talked about how much of a smart ass Tsukishima was. He talked about cold Akaashi had been the other day when he had corrected him. Kenma was glad for the arrival of Tsukishima and Akaashi. Kuroo always had friends, sure, but Kenma had always been his close friend that he actually talked to about stuff. Tsukishima and Akaashi looked like they were starting to get pretty close to Kuroo now and Kenma was happy for that.

It wasn’t long before they found Tsukishima and Akaashi and the four of them were off to the new bookstore.

Kuroo and Tsukishima argued about this and that, leaving Akaashi and Kenma to walk in silence next to each other.

“Kuroo said your one year anniversary is coming up.” Akaashi said in way of starting a conversation.

Kenma didn’t want to think about that. “Yeah.”

“Do you guys have anything special planned?” Akaashi asked.

“I don’t know what Kuroo’s thinking.” Kenma said, glancing down at his hand in Kuroo’s with a frown. “He keeps changing plans.”

Akaashi looked at Kenma through scrutinizing eyes. Kenma both hated and like Akaashi. He was always willing to call Kenma out for being too lazy or too quiet or to just call him out on his BS. “What’s bothering you?”

“It’s nothing.” Kenma answered a bit too quickly.

He could tell Akaashi wanted to ask something else, but Kuroo excitedly pulled Kenma along fast as the bookstore came into view.

Inside the bookstore was a cozy place. The shelves were fairly close together and the lights weren’t overbearingly bright. Kenma wondered off to find the syfy section, really just wanting to be alone to think about how he was supposed to break up with Kuroo.

Long arms snuck behind Kenma and he felt Kuroo press a kiss to the back of his neck making him feel so guilty and like such a bad person.

“This place is so nice, huh?” Kuroo whispered.

“Kuroo,” Kenma shut the book he had in his hands. Maybe it was better to just get the whole thing over with. Rip the bandaid off instead of slowy trying to pull it off.

“Mmm?” Kuroo hummed, leaning over Kenma to see what book he was holding.

Kenma took a deep breath.  _ You can do this. Just let him go. _ Kenma stared at the shelf in front of him and whispered. “I think we should break up.”

“What?” Kuroo breaths, pulling back slightly, waiting for Kenma to look at him.

Kenma didn’t want to see the hurt on Kuroo’s face so he refused to turn around as he spoke again, this time a bit louder so Kuroo was sure to hear his words. “I think we should break up. Kuroo.”

“Why?”

Kenma sighed and turned to face Kuroo. Kuroo deserved at least that. “It’s just not working out.”

Kenma had planned to tell Kuroo the truth, that he had never felt the same way, but looking at the way Kuroo looked like he was about to cry broke his heart and kept him from spilling everything.

“What do you mean ‘not working out’?” Kuroo demanded, his voice getting louder as he got mad. “We’ve been dating for a year and you’re just now thinking that we aren’t working out?!”

“Kuroo, you’re getting really loud.” Kenma said, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“Kenma, look at me!” Kuroo grabbed Kenma’s arms and forced him to look up. Kuroo’s face was flushed and tears were threatening to spill. “This isn’t fair! Why are you doing this?! You can’t just tell me it’s not working! I don’t understand.”

Kenma had never seen Kuroo like this and it was terrifying. Kenma didn’t know what else to say. If he opened his mouth Kuroo would probably yell again and Kenma would just make things worse. They were already making a scene; the last thing Kenma had wanted. He saw a few people peaking their heads around the bookshelves to see what the commotion was about. 

“Kenma please don’t leave me.” Kuroo said quietly, tears now falling in earnest. “You’re everything to me.”

Guilt twisted in Kenma’s gut like a knife. The guilt of dating Kuroo when he didn’t love him like that was nothing to the guilt Kuroo was giving him now for breaking up with him. Maybe he could take him back and forget all of this. He’d get to keep his best friend, even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted.

Kenma shook his head, no, he couldn't do that. “I’m sorry, Kuroo, but-”

“You’re not sorry.” Kuroo growled through his tears. “Just tell me why.”

Kenma shook his head again. “It just wasn’t working out.”

Kenma stepped back and bolted for the door. He couldn't stand to see his best friend like that. He passed Akaashi and Tsukishima on his way out and they didn’t even spare him a glance as they pushed past him to get to Kuroo.

_ At least Kuroo would have those two _ , Kenma thought as he escaped from the bookstore and headed home. He felt horrible. That was not how he had planned the break up to go. Kenma paused and dropped down onto a bench. It was over. He had lost Kuroo.

**ONE WEEK AFTER**

Kenma felt horrible. His mother was worried about him. He never left the house now. It was a good thing it was still summer vacation or else Kenma would be forced to go to school and see Kuroo.

“Kenma?” His bedroom door pushed open and his mother peaked in. “Are you hungry?”

“No.” Kenma answered.

His mother pushed the door open further and sat on his bed next to where he was curled up on his side with a book in his hand. She brushed his hair from his face, “Where’s Kuroo, dear?”

“Not here today.” Kenma answered. He had been reading for the past hour, but he had no idea what the book in his hands was about.

“Are you two in a fight?” Kenma’s mother asked. “Something didn’t happen on your anniversary, did it?”

Kenma sighed and look at his mother. “We didn’t make it to the anniversary.”

“Oh, did you want to talk about it?” 

“No.”

Kenma’s mother patted his cheek, “Well, I’m sure he’ll stay your friend even after all this.”

“I really doubt that.”

Kenma’s mother smiled softly, “Of course he’ll stay your friend, dear, you two have been together since you were three. One little bad break up isn’t about to change everything.”

Kenma sat up and looked at his mother, “Do you think so?”

“I’m sure of it.”

 

* * *

 

Kuroo felt like he could die. He was so mad. He was so hurt. He was so sad. He hated Kenma so much. He missed him even more.

Kuroo couldn’t tell up from down or left from right. Kuroo locked himself in his room for the first three days after Kenma broke up with him. Tsukishima and Akaashi visited him, but Kuroo sent them away. 

A week after the break up Tsukishima and Akaashi forced their way into Kuroo’s room and dragged him outside for fresh air. Kuroo was a wreck, but they took care of him. They let him cry, and scream, and complain, and say hurtful things about Kenma.

Kuroo didn’t understand what happened and he wanted to call Kenma and talk to him, but at the same time he never wanted to see him again.

Kuroo sat on the swings at the park he and Kenma were always at. Tsukishima and Akaashi were on the swings beside him. “He said it wasn’t working out.”

“Kuroo, don’t think about it.” Tsukishima warned.

Kuroo ignored him and kept talking. “Do you think that meant that he never wanted to date me at all?”

“If he never wanted to date you then he wouldn’t have said yes in the first place.” Akaashi said. 

“Don’t encourage him.” Tsukishima grumbled. “He doesn’t need to think about it too hard. He just needs to get over Kenma and move on.”

“They dated for a year, Tsukishima, I think Kuroo has the right to think about it as much as he wants.” Akaashi said.

“You know what,” Kuroo said, jumping off the swing. “I  _ don’t _ want to think about it. I don’t want to think about Kenma at all.”

Tsukishima followed Kuroo and got up from his swing, “Good for you. You don’t need him.”

“I don’t need him.” Kuroo agreed. He let Tsukishima lead him and Akaashi away from the park to go do something else. He listened as Tsukishima talked about how it was time to put his love for Kenma in the past, but he wasn’t really listening. 

He didn’t think he could ever actually forget about how much he loved Kenma and how he had thought they would spend the rest of their lives together.

**Author's Note:**

> i love comments!


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